Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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