I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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