the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
