i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
