last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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