remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm always down for nudity.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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