I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I queefed so loud it echoed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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