dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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