It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was CRYING into my vagina
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
COCAINE IS GR8
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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