He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
