So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
