Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
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The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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