So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
