come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
