you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
