I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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