Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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