so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
