You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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