the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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