Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
