I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
