My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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