come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
