Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can't turn off my feet"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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