a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
