I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
