i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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