"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
