God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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