i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
