I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
