haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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