Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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