i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
