as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
