Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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