i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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