We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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