My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
