Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
