Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
