dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
