just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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