please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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