that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
