dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
