you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
