How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
