I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
